Death might be easier, but then again it might not. Kara had no way of knowing and even if she did she knew that she couldn’t walk away from all the work they still had to do. Even though Lucas and Conrad would carry on without her, because they’d have no other choice, leaving them alone together was something she didn’t want to do. Sometimes she wished they would stop fighting over every little thing, but they had never really got along. They’d worked together when they had to. Most of the time she would be the go between, so they wouldn’t end up arguing about something totally pointless. Loving both of them had, in some ways, made everything worse, especially when she told them both, in such a way that they knew she wasn’t going to accept any argument they put to her, that she wasn’t going to chose one over the other.
Kara was the one who decided where she was spending the night and she made sure to keep it as even as possible, otherwise they might start thinking stupid things. She’d realised a long time before that it was unlikely she would ever prefer one of them. They were very different people and that was why she did love both of them. If Conrad had survived it would have been very different. Being brought back the first time had changed him in ways that she hadn’t thought was possible until it happened, but they became closer than they had been before. Of course she also found herself getting close to Lucas at the same time, which made things difficult until she came to the decision that she was going to do what was right for her, and it didn’t matter whether it was normal or not.
Being with both of them made the most sense to Kara right from the beginning. That was when she admitted to herself that she loved both of them, she was allowed to feel that way, and anyone who said otherwise would be ignored. Eventually she’d gathered enough courage to be able to talk to Lucas about it, believing he would be the most understanding one. Of course his reaction had been to tell her that it would be best if she put her proposal to both of them at the same time, so they could work it out together, because he’d been much more willing, then, to try to work with Conrad. As time had passed that changed, although there were days when it seemed like they were starting to get on again.
Neither of them would tell Kara what it was that had originally caused the problem, which made her wonder if it was sharing her was the issue, but they’d both been fine with that for such a long time that she hadn’t thought to keep asking. She bit her lip. When she went back this time she’d talk to them, either separately or together, to make certain that everything was still okay. The last thing she wanted was for them to not feel like they couldn’t tell her if they were uncomfortable with it. Maybe she’d pushed too hard. Even though she thought she was getting better at not doing silly things, like acting before thinking and trying to make people agree with her, there was a chance she might be wrong about how well she was doing.
Mirrored from K. A. Webb Writing.