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kajones_writing“That’s not a surprise, Jac,” Kester said, “because we were always very different people. She spent her entire life training to become the leader of the Council and I was thrown into the job.” He sighed. “Maybe learning more about her will change the way I view her, but surely that’s a good thing, because if I know that she made mistakes then I don’t have to live with my beliefs any longer, always thinking that she would have been a much better leader than I ever could be.”
“I decided that the disadvantages outweighed the advantages, in part because you have no way of telling one way or another if what I witnessed in my dreams was really what happened.” Lucille wished she could be there to hug her grandmother as she snuffled again. “There’s also a chance you could have thought it was me making up stories to make you feel more comfortable in your role.”
“We’ve been working together for half a century now and I trust you to be honest with me, so if you were to tell me about the dreams you were having I would have believed you.”
“At the time I had the dreams we’d only been working together a couple of months, and I didn’t feel comfortable telling you then, but as time passed it seemed like the opportunity had as well. Bringing up something like that isn’t easy to do, even though I did think it would help you to know that your sister wasn’t the perfect leader you always thought she was going to be.”
“Sometimes the trouble with knowing things is that you aren’t always certain whether they should be told and if they should when the best time to tell them is,” Lucille said, sympathising with both parties. “Living on one of the worlds of the Web would have been hard enough if these were technological worlds, but instead we also have magic to deal with, and magic complicates things. If I’d been having dreams of the other Webs I’m not sure I would believe they were true at first. When I realised I don’t think I would have felt comfortable talking about it, because nothing is easy to talk about when you have no idea who might be listening.” She sighed. “I’ve spent so much of my time wondering who I’m safe to talk to that sometimes I find it easier not to talk to anyone.”
“I dreamt of the other Athare when I was trying to work out if I was doing the right thing working with you. Even though I wasn’t connected to Athare the world wanted me to know what my other lives would have been like and for a few weeks I found myself spending as much time visiting the other Webs as I did travelling the worlds. When I woke up in the morning I wrote about the life I’d been living during my sleep.” Lucille’s grandmother sighed. “In one I’d met with you and decided not to work with you, so I know if I had of made that choice it would have been the biggest mistake of my life.”
“What happened?” Lucille asked, wondering if Athare would do the same thing for her.
“Just after I’d given birth to my first daughter, your mother, I was arrested by the Council. They questioned me, using the truth drug, and I told them everything I knew about the natural Walkers, because I had no other choice. Luckily I didn’t know much, but it confirmed that we existed. Once they knew they did everything they could to exterminate us in the same way they tried to rid the Web of the natural Walkers.”
“Did you get executed?” Kester asked.
“I did and the Council had my daughter adopted by someone they trusted. Instead of being brought up by me, with her younger sister and brother, she was brought up by one of the fae, within one of their warded settlements. She trained to be a Walker the same way she did in this life, but she was a very different person, and she did whatever the Council needed her to do.”
“Athare showed you what happened to her too?” Lucille asked, knowing her surprise was obvious in her voice.
“Understanding how my choices affected other people was something Athare thought was just as important as learning about how they affected me. Lucille, you were the daughter of a fae man that your mum fell in love with while she was living in the settlement, and you were…” Lucille’s grandmother sighed. “Choosing to work with Kester has made you into the wonderful Walker you are, because being the daughter of a fae man instead of a Knirochian meant that you were a Council Walker rather than a true Walker, and you were never there to help Quiar during their time of need.”
“Do you know what will happen?”
“No, but I know what did happen. On another Quiar the counterfeiters chose to send their charms to other worlds and the Walkers were unable to stop it from happening. In the end I think six different worlds were overrun with the counterfeits, which had an effect on so many things. I’m glad that you made the choice to try to stop it from happening, whether you’re successful or not, because you’ve shown me that you’re the wonderful woman I always thought you were, even though I never had a chance to properly get to know you.”
“At least you didn’t in this Web.” Lucille ran a hand through her hair. “Did you get to know me in your dreams, Grandmother?”
There was a long silence. At lest it felt long to Lucille, but for her grandmother it probably wasn’t long enough. “I don’t know how to answer that,” she said tentatively, “because there doesn’t seem to be any right answer.”
“Was it your choice to keep your distance from your granddaughters?”
“No, your mother made the decision. She thought it was better for you, because she’d grown up with a mother who spent much of her time travelling the worlds, and that’s the reason she gave up her job when she had you. There was an Athare where I chose to travel less when I had children, but it wasn’t a life where I felt fulfilled.” She sighed. “Instead I felt as though I was trapped, even though it had been my choice, so in the end I stepped through one of the natural doors and left my family behind for good. That was another mistake in a life full of them and, really, when it came to my children there was no right choice. Your mother felt abandoned while her sisters thrived.”
“I’ve never met my aunts.”
“They both live on other worlds. I always made sure to take one of my daughters with me on every trip I took, wanting them to learn about the Web first hand, and in the end they both found places on other worlds. Your mother seemed to want me to convince them to stay on Athare, but I accepted that they had to make their own decisions and gave them my blessing. I don’t think she ever forgave me for not being the mother she expected me to be.”
“Given the choice would you have been a part of my life? A part of my sisters’ lives?”
“I did everything I could to convince your mum that I should be, but in the end it wasn’t enough. When you started your training she asked me to keep my distance, saying she didn’t want me to distract you from your studies, even though we both knew it was a lie. She knew I could help you in a way the other teachers couldn’t and yet she still didn’t want me anywhere near you.”
“Then now we have a chance to change things, because it wasn’t a choice she should have made for me, and if you have met other mes I really would love to hear about them.” Lucille smiled. “Although after I’ve sorted out the problems here.”
“I’ve made it so that you don’t have to check in so often,” Kester said, “and when you do it will be Jacinth that you talk to, because I know it’s hard to be able to give reports when you’re trying to work out what you can and can’t say. What I would like, if you’re comfortable with this, is for you to tell me what you’ve learnt about Quiar, so I can tell the natural Walkers what to expect. Nothing you tell me will be passed onto the Council. I know how they feel about Quiar and I disagree, but then we disagree about a lot.”
“I’ll think about it, Kester.” Lucille glanced around the room, letting her eyes rest on Peric, then Sini and Bertram, before she looked at the crystal again. “I’ll be in contact when I have some news.”
Mirrored from K. A. Jones Writing.
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Date: 2013-07-16 03:19 am (UTC)